A New Beginning

My support group has just reformed and we had our first meeting tonight and someone asked about my blog..... it would be a good way of keeping track of my activities so perhaps it is time to pick up where I left off.
Let me say first a big thank you to everyone who volunteered; I appreciate the support and I hope you gain as much out of the process as I know I will. May the prayer we share bring us closer to God and each other and may the journey we make glorify God and bless the world.

Out and About

I have been delivering and collecting surveys in the Upton area this last week, as well visiting the sales offices, I felt like I was back in Swindon again. No rejections so far, I always find them off putting and it makes me want to cut the time doing it short, it has never my favorite job but at least you begin to get a feel for the kind of people who live in an area. I know I won't get a high proportion of responses but hopefully enough to get a clear impression and some statistical facts.
We are planning a prayer walk in this area in August, it would be good to have clear information to pray with. I am hoping to manage more collections and deliveries this week though I am beginning to suspect I would be better not delivering and just doing the survey on the doorstep.

I am also beginning to have a vision of what we might do in these development areas. It needs more prayer and some conversations with others (I don't always see downsides to potential projects but I've learned to consult before I get too carried away).


I am still struggling to get the outline of my dissertation sorted. If I don't manage it this week I am going to postpone it for a year, I don't really want to do that especially as it looks as if other issues in my practical life might resolve themselves pretty soon giving me more time and more energy to focus. The trouble is this kind of structural thinking from the beginning isn't my natural style, I absorb information of all kinds and then some time later solutions and ideas arrive full blown in my head and heart. So much of it is intuitive; I don't often know in detail how I get from A to B though I can usually identify some of the strands. Doing a dissertation outline is like standing my normal processing on its head and I'm not sure I can do it! I'd much rather take something I'm doing or a project that is already forming and work backwards trying to understand how and why I came to that conclusion. Why it worked or didn't work: a kind of reflective practice. But that is not how MA dissertations are done, shame.

Never mind, being willing to venture outside of your comfort zone is half of what being a deacon or pioneer is all about. I just wish my challenges didn't have a tendency to come all at the same time. I don't mind a challenge, in fact I enjoy them, it is just sometimes it would be nice to have a short period of safe water and no responsibility! 'It's life, Jim, but not as we know it!'

New Housing, New Ways?

We did a prayer walk around one of the new developments yesterday, a group of about twenty five of us from four churches. Including a visit to the 'Extra Care Village' and the new school. The walk was enhanced by having a couple resident on the estate with us, sharing what they knew of the issues and the further development that were likely.

Trying to get local churches to focus beyond themselves and their own congregations in a sustained way has been difficult. How do churches, struggling to maintain their own work and building, gain the vision and the energy to see the opportunities possibilities and needs in new communities of thousands of people? How do I encourage and support them and not feel swamped especially when this is only one area of new development due to come on stream in the next few years. The future is so insecure in the areas of new development; numbers moving in vary with the vagaries of the housing market. The style and type of housing provision depends upon supply and demand, the current fears of a credit crunch that means housing growth might slow to a trickle or even to a stand still. You gear churches up to a big push and the housing market stutters to a stand still, they loose heart and focus on something else then suddenly people are moving in in droves.

Its the same with community provision; will there be any? Yes, no, maybe? Who has the funds; where and when and if? The developers don't want to spend money until a good chunk of housing is built and sold, yet residents need a focus for community development fairly early or they go and find it way out of the local area and the opportunity to develop a sense of local community is lost. Even though there are examples of good planning, that can enhance the chance of good community development, without serious commitment to this aim by planning authorities and developers alike as well as voices of experience from those who have been resident in and around the area (including community groups, parish councils and churches) still too often it takes last place to the priorities of profit and building convenience.

We, the churches, still think in terms of providing buildings (and there is little money for that) rather than thinking things like; 'can we move catalysts and missionaries into this area who can become the core of a new new congregation, living and growing with the community, sharing their story and becoming one with them?' Incarnational ministry is not about bricks and mortar but about sharing lives and experience. When will we come to realise we need to spend more time and money on nurturing and training our people (our real resource) than on maintaining our buildings! We can then focus on the our calling to create caring communities of the kingdom of God and perhap our members will see themselves as missionaries in their daily lives.

How do we manage it, we have got to find a way .....

Summer time and the living is easy!

Well not so far, essay done, services, birthdays, and planning..... well trying to plan but until the social services to get there act together even the plans I make get messed up. Part of me knows than having any sense of control in my life is an illusion and I am a person who gets bogged down if life gets too routine. I am also aware of the importance of learning to live fully in today without worrying too much about the future but some reliable patterns in my life would be helpful!

End of grouch. The sun is shining. Some particular projects have been completed and I found time to check my fishing gear and buy my fishing licence, so, when I get some time, and can do some planning you will be getting reports from the lakeside. I am determined to fit in more fishing in this year! I am also off to Paris soon for the first time (planning complications permitting) and I am really looking forward to it. Some summer projects in hand so plenty of light and joy as well as work to look forward to. So its goodbye for now and thanks for all the fish!

Easter together

March's 'Breakfast on the Beach' on Palm Sunday was technically and practically smooth.The loop; showing crowds of people engaged in various activities from football to protest rallies was asking what do you care enough about to celebrate or protest? We had more new people through the doors some with only very vague church connections, conversations flowed naturally, often starting from the theme and moving on. My own conversations getting deep quite quickly, reminding me of other new town and new development experiences that where there is a relaxed attitude and a willingness to listen people can open up quite quickly. I suspect we will see more of some of these new folk, and perhaps others with them.

Easter provided a great mix of activities coordinated and designed to deepen relationships across the Churches in Wootton, engage with the community and celebrate the death and Resurrection of Jesus Christ.
From Breakfast on the Beach on Palm Sunday, a simple shared Maunday Thursday meal (we encouraged them to sit with people they didn't know and talk about how they had seen God at work in their lives churches and communities during the meal) and let that lead naturally into 'Table Talk' from Wild Goose's 'Jesus and Peter' books and on into a simple communion. We also hosted an Easter Egg hunt designed to attract the unchurched families and a Good Friday Meditation for the faithful, alongside a shared joint Easter morning all age Service. Everything we separately and jointly did was advertised together.

April's 'Breakfast on the Beach' is only 2 weeks away and will be the last on which I can report for my placement report and reflection though the experiment will keep going at least until the end of 2008, whether it will continue in its present form or frequency, whether it becomes a congregation in itself or remains simply a hospitality outpost where people can meet share and ask questions. Whether it will feed people into the existing churches that support it or become something none of us yet expect are questions that will resolve in time. Certainly the possibility that it might become a congregation is not an alien concept to those whose vision brought it into existence. It would be good to think that those who come will ultimately decide its future not those who gave it birth. Relationships and faith journeys should be, to me at least, the determining factors but finance and resourcing will probably have something to say. Whatever happens those of us involved have learned a lot and are still learning. May God continue to nurture us and use us as we travel.

Slow progress, what is progress?

So much news to catch up with I am going to write it up in 2 instalments; February's Breakfast on the Beach and news now and March's Breakfast on the Beach and Easter next week. So here is a summery of what went before:

Discussions with the leadership team have led to decisions to keep going with 'Breakfast on the Beach' at least until the end of 2008 monthly, on the basis that such experiments can take time to get established. We are very aware that at the present though it is giving opportunity to deepen fellowship among those already involved it is not yet attracting many of those we hoped to reach, those with little or no church background. There is some indication that peoples awareness of the breakfast is growing but still it is slow; in one sense this is because it didn't grow naturally out of the community but as a vision of a few encouraged and enabled by those who saw the potential. It is a coming together of a personal vision, and of a churches continuing journey and a strategic attempt to provide a less churchy place for encounters to happen.

February's Breakfast on the Beach was plagued with technical problems and that meant that, for my part at least, my focus was not toward the people and there was a certain amount of relief that we had no new folk and had our lowest numbers yet. No one ever said this would be easy. Quick popularity or numerical growth is, in theory, not the criteria we want to use for success as we make a genuine attempt to provide hospitality and to engage with a community in the big questions on a one to one level but it is a criteria quite hard to ignore.

This community has had very limited opportunities to engage with the gospel through the life of the churches and this is only one way the churches are now experimenting. In other ways and at the same time we are coordinating our attempts to be active, visible and caring. There are signs that we are having effects in numerous small way as increased willingness to work together and awareness of each others activities and aims are growing, The 'fringe' is extending steadily and others are beginning to want to actively participate. God is good we are casting bread upon the waters and praying his good news will reach far and wide.

Working together

I am having a strange week, having been involved in the planning of a joint Circuit service on the 1st Sunday in lent where the aim was to hear as many journeys and voices from across the churches be heard and celebrated. To see that come to fruition in excitement, creativity, laughter and worship and then to face this week not quite sure what to do next.
A loss of motivation and a kind of dryness and lack of inspiration.

Breakfast on the beach is coming up this Sunday and though many of the practical issues are all in place as far as content goes there is very little sense of collaborative exploration. The different people involved each do their bit but the sense of wholeness that comes about when working together the enriching sharing of ideas perspectives and cooperation is lacking.

My instinct is to say that its about the different ways of working we are used to, but another part of me realises that is just an excuse, if the depth of relationships where there that wouldn't be a problem. I need to spend more time much more time with the people involved.
I'm still playing on the edges, lent is here time to get my priorities straightened out and put my time and energy where they need to be - with the people!

Goodbye 2007 and Welcome 2008!

Farewell 2007 - Finished in celebration and survival! Some new experiences in the Christmas season as well as time shared with family and friends, the survival through another essay deadline and the result (just scraped through yet again!) Some quiet space between Christmas and New Year to prayerfully consider and reflect on the year that is ending and crystalise some personal priorities for the year ahead.

Welcome 2008 Time to start afresh!
I do love New Year, even though we have a God who allows and encourages us to let go of the past; all of our mistakes and failures, muddles and mixed priorities and start again, as often as we need to, still, I find it helps to have a symbolic moment in which to look back at the past and forward to the future. New Year for me is one of those, so is Easter and perhaps not suprising for a Methodist the Ist of September the beginning of the connexional new year.

Time to look back and forward to how 'Breakfast on the Beach' has gone and might continue (we had a quiet one on December 23rd) with my support group with the leadership team of the local free church and with the ministers in the local area. Time to find more ways to listen to the two local communities I am most involved in. Time to reconsider how to encourage experimentation across the circuit given the light of last years experience.

On the one hand there seems oodles of time, and on the other a sense of real urgency that if we are not prepared and focused we might miss the moment, if our eyes and ears are not open for the movement of the Spirit, that the time for change is upon us and we must not miss it.

The New Year to me seems always poised between the now and the not yet, full of potential.

May there be this year time for every matter under heaven, but especially:

a time to break down and a time to build up;

a time to weep and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

As some will know that I love to dance but I also love to have a reason to dance, may this be just one of those years.

Breakfast on the Beach - the Third!

It is one month since my last blog, just before the second 'Breakfast on the Beach' which went as well as the first. It was more relaxed and a couple of new people came, who seemed to feel right at home. The third was just as good and with some different people coming.

The atmosphere is just what I'd hoped. I'm not sure we have the
imput level right, and am still wondering about that... not that it hasn't been of good quality, I would just like it to be much more participative, no.. I think I mean interactive. One of the new people from last month brought more people to this Sunday's breakfast, which is great. I'm pondering about space and numbers, if we grow we might need to spead further round the building or lengthen the time we are open for an more flexible approach, prayerfully, prayerfully just one step at a time.



On other fronts essay writing is creating as much difficulty as ever: it not that I don't like the reading -I love it! It's not that I don't have plenty to say on the subject - I do! It's the fear that grabs my guts, panics my heart and blanks my mind each and every time I sit down to write. The fear it won't come out right, the fear I won't get it done in time, the fear that somebody else is going to have to read it! I know its foolish, I know it is irrational, but to me...... But I won't give up, prayer and praise, quote scripture at myself, get the family to pray for me 'In quietness and confidence will be your strength.' Confidence in the God who called me and promised to equip me.


We have had some great times with family and friends recently, birthdays, academic celebrations and annual get-togethers. Christmas is beginning to loom too, the sudden flurry of snow that fell while I was preaching in the evening a week ago yesterday really making me realise how much there is to organise. As every year: I pray that I will be awake, alert and aware for God's presence and peace in the midst of the hustle. If I am not on the look out for God's touch in the season how can I expect to help others discover him anew in the business of the season. 'When he come, when he comes, who will make him welcome?'

Continuing Leadership

Reflecting back from Cliff College and looking forward to the next 'Breakfast on the Beach' on Sunday and picking up the family threads between has proved interesting.
First, that most of what I read and we talked about last week, however far it explored patterns of leadership within the church, mostly takes the idea of Priest/Pastor/Presbyter as essential. The thinking seems to me to focus more about how far priesthood etc. must change:- how it operates, what it has to do to contend with current cultural climate, how it must become more enabling of the laity or more collaborative for example but rarely does it get into the possibility that its time has come. I'm not saying that all clergy ought to be out of a job (that would include me!) but it does seem to me to be something that ought to be just as much in the melting pot as everything else when we talk about leadership in the future.
I was caught, on my quick round up of the blogs I keep track of, by this from the Emerging Grace blog which I think fits in to the whole discussion on what we mean by leadership for the future, because we can't have discussion about leadership without talking about the church that needs (?) leading. The argument about movement and institution in particular fascinate me especially in the area of can it be big and not become an institution?

As far as the family theads they seem to me to have had, in my abscence, had a challenging week (though they probably argue life is more challenging when I'm around..) managing a few unexpected and unuasual things in their stride!

Planning for 'Breakfast on the Beach' seems more low key and relaxed this time now we all seem to know what to expect and what is needed it I certainly am feeling far less preassure

I am more concerned at the moment as to how best to speak up for communities that currently don't exist in the rafts of new hosing planned for Northampton and how to get the Methodist Churches here engaged in that when many are concerned for the welfare of their own congregations and local communities.

Leadership and discipleship

Just about to go to Cliff College for the next teaching week subject; Leadership, renewal and mission.
As a deacon I have always found my view of leadership has rarely really coincided with that envisioned by others. Theirs tends to be rather large scale whereas mine tends to be rather more small scale and revolves as it does around mature Christianity and the ability to enable and inspire discipleship. My reading around the subject recently has been helping me explore these ideas more fully. I came across some interesting comments on mentoring that flowed from a post discussing mature Christianity and discipleship emerginggrace that quoted from one of the recommended reading books 'The Missional Leader' by Alan J Roxburgh & Fred Romanuk.

Mentoring has always seemed to be a much better way of learning and growing in conjunction with a journey of shared discipleship than any other I have encountered. It is a method that has been rarely used by the church in my experience - though as I write this I realise I am currently mentoring (in theory) a local preacher on note and a probationary deacon - So perhaps it is becoming a less rare or more acceptable method. I suspect though it is used as an additional resource as opposed to a main tool, perhaps something that needs to be reassessed?

Breakfast on the Beach Launch!

The launch of 'Breakfast on the Beach' was on Sunday! There were enthusiastic responses from those involved, not many new folk came in through the doors but no one seemed worried by that. No one knew how it would work, what it would look and feel like and as a trial run it went really well. The prayer meeting which usually meets at 9am continued in the 'Quiet Space' while those who had offered to help set to work with a will. Some slight hitches with the technology (minimal:both the technology and the hitch) From 10 am the doors opened. Breakfast was simple and people just relaxed and talked. At least one couple just came in off the street, and we are hoping that word of mouth will just spread the news, the idea is that we will run once a month till Christmas and review. My question at the moment is are we still using an attractional model of church? We are not asking people to come to worship. In theory we are simply providing a base where our young 20-30 somethings and others can bring there unchurched friends and a base where people we meet in this new community can be invited to get to meet others and talk about life issues that are important to them. We are heavily relying on networking though we are advertising as well in a relatively low key way. This first breakfast was quite heavy on time and resources, but now we are set up equipment and basics it will be interesting to see how much time and effort is needed to run the next breakfast, can we do it with minimal preparation and resourcing? Will more or different people come?

When is busy too busy?

I'm late back from a meeting which means my head is still buzzing and it is going to take me a while to wind down, looks like I might be helping some people test driving 'Alpha' in the new year. It has been a busy week and there is still more to come, I do try to pace myself but there are always the unexpected elements and the things that take far longer than even your most carefully thought out estimates. I know I'm in trouble when I'm having to put in extra early mornings (I have never been a morning person!) as well as doing stuff after evening meetings.
Thank God next week looks more spacious.
In the first year here I could take my day off when it suited me; a different day each week if I wanted. This year I am going to have to go back to the pattern of writing it in for the same day of the week and defending it to the hilt! The same is true of quarter days. The fixed patterns are helpful I find when the pace hots up, not just or me but for the family too. They have always been good during hectic phases; though keeping them informed - as in warning them when the diary pressure is mounting and letting them know when I expect it to ease - helps. They nor I let it go on too long. I've never been a routine person, Some say I have only 2 speeds: full throttle and dead stop! And it is true if I am on a roll I can get enormous amounts done in a relatively short space of time, If I'm not however everything seems to be a struggle to get done at all. The dead stop phases can seem like idleness to others (and sometimes to me) but I have learned that I tend to be at my most creative directly after my most seemingly idle phases. Certainly when I come back from Quarter days. So I try not to worry about it. Balance I learned for me is not the symmetry of the weighing scale but the dynamic and fun of the seesaw: it is fine while moving and is only a problem when one side gets stuck in the air and the other permanently wedged to the ground!

Wesley Blogging?

Hey! I have just discovered Wesley blogged - or the equivalent of anyway! I have just read 'John Wesley(1703-91) kept one set of personal diaries intended as private documents and another journal, recording his extensive travels as he preached and travelled throughout the British Isles. This journal was a record of his life for public consumption as well as in order to encourage his followers and at times to justify his actions to the world.....' I am quoting from 'Theological Reflection: Methods by Elaine Graham, Heather Walton and Francis Ward published by SCM press. Isn't that what blogging is all about? It may be faster and usually briefer and the responses or comments might be slower but not much else is different is it?

Perfection Anxiety

I am test driving both 'Breakfast on the Beach' and 'The Quiet Space' this week. The first is a corporate adventure starting on Sunday, the second a more solo project that I hope others may want to get more involved with is open for the first time this week. The set up for both has been labour intensive but I hope they both will also be low maintenance once on the move. I was beginning to get really concerned about the perfection of the details about 'BotB' but gradually I became aware of a quiet voice in my heart and mind telling me to relax; that perfection was not the name of the game, I just needed to keep listening and simply take one step at a time. So though today I have been at 3 meetings about other things and have only just stopped for a breather, my heart is strangely calm about 'BotB' on Sunday. There are still things to do - but not today. All we are doing is asking people to breakfast with the fella on the beach and inviting them to think a little about their lives and their world, the rest is up to him and them!

Too Busy?

Busy week this last week, teaching block at Cliff College, re-opening/re dedication of the Diaconal Centre trying to put final preparations into 'The Quiet Space' and 'Breakfast on the Beach'. There are two areas in my home that have always reflected how busy I am; the kitchen and the study - both look as if a bomb has hit them - I've managed the kitchen this morning but I am sitting typing this amidst piles of books and papers. More recently, since most of the children have left home, I notice that the quiet room (in existence for the last year) also reflects my busyness in a different way; it remains static: the prayer cards on the board don't change, the song book is open at the same page, the devotional material is in the same place...... I find I am more disturbed by that sight than any mountain of chaos elsewhere, it means that the need for prayer, despite so many years of practice, is still more head theory than heart knowledge. Until it becomes my first and most important call in a busy day; rather than the thing that that gets squeezed out if I run out of time, I have not yet got my priorities right. So I am going now to leave the chaos of the study right now and go mess up the quiet room!

Change!

I'm Cross! They're doing it again! reinventing the wheel - everything has got to be new and improved; whether its cat food, supermarket layout, technology anything, everything! I would have said I'm someone who likes change, I get bored quite easily; but to me it gets ridiculous. We are on another hunt for a cat food that doesn't make the cat sick, we eventually found one and now they've changed the recipe: new and improved how many different brands will we go through to find one that suits her because of course everybody else has new improved recipes too. I just get familiar with one layout so time is reduced when I shop cause I know where everything is and suddenly you can add another 30 minuets to the trip while I hunt for disappearing foodstuffs. And technology too, if its better then fine but so often it seems that people think its better just because its different, and so often it just takes more time than I have to spare to learn a new system. If it ain't broke don't fix it! Companies it seems are always looking for new customers to attract but they never seem to care what matters to the old customers. Does the fact that I stop buying never show up on the marketing statistics?

What has that got to do with church? I'm looking at ways to reach ways to reach folk who have never been interested and never been involved, new customers you could say, but what about those for whom the old ways work, is anybody counting the statistics of those leaving because the changes don't work for them?

Honour

Can't imaging me quoting Ken Livingstone but I came across this in the news reports today on the BBC website about the unveiling of a statue of Nelson Mandela

"Long after we are forgotten, you will be remembered for having taught the world one amazing truth," said Mr Livingstone.
"That you can achieve justice without vengeance. I honour you and London honours you."
Me too Ken, me too...

Having fun with a website

I'm experimenting with putting material into a website, kind of non technical guinea pig for other folk like me who will be adding stuff to keep it up to date. If I can do it anybody can. Kind of like my role as a deacon, test drive a theory before somebody else takes it on the road or be the one who encourages others to come test drive things with me so we can learn together, sometimes I'm one step ahead other times I'm learning alongside. Its when I am experimenting like this I feel more like Peter, good or bad I step out and learn whatever happens.

Getting Nowhere Fast!

Don't you love those days? The ones where you think you know where you are going and what your doing and then other peoples actions, your own second thoughts and your own preconceptions and inefficiency trip you up! Yes, it was like that yesterday. All my careful planning, laid waste. I think what bothered me most especially after thinking in my last post that I was beginning to get a handle on places and people discovering that err.. um.. mm.. it was the thing I thought I'd got sussed best; the geography of Northampton. I had to get to an appointment, I thought I knew where I was going, and it wasn't there! Well It hadn't moved I had obviously mistaken where I thought it was... but after an hour of driving round I ended going home and getting out the map..... I know, I know...! I usually have it at least in the car and usually in my handbag..... but as I was saying I thought I'd got Northampton cracked!
So much like my Christian journey; some times I'm so sure of my destination and then the next stage in the journey never quite looks like what I'd expected. There's no point getting frustrated, It usually happens because I've made assumptions about where God is leading and why, rather than me ending up in the wrong place like yesterday. So I need a reminder to go back to the map, and recheck... that actually in many cases it is the journey that is important and the people I journey with and what God is teaching us on that journey rather than this particular destination point. As for that appointment well it is reset for today and this time I am taking the map!

The dust begins to settle!

Hey its beginning to happen!
At last, I've been here nearly a year and suddenly names, faces, people and places are slotting into place; connections and networks are making sense, if not instantly, at least without me having to work and sweat at it all the time. It is the one of the things I argue with God about, how comes he gives me this calling and not the memory for names and faces that I need to go with it. Each time we move its like a nightmare having to try and keep tabs on who, where and what people do and what they have told me. Its embarrassing and humbling, and it feels like I'm insulting the other person. I was even told once that it's because I don't care enough about people, that If I really cared I'd remember - what a load of guilt to lay on somebodies back!

However, there always comes a time when the cascade of faces and names I swim through week by week begin to take a shape and form I recognise. It is as if the dots have suddenly been all joined up and the picture becomes much clearer. The personal landmarks, the conversational links begin to make coherent sense.
That doesn't mean I still don't make mistakes, I do, but the statistical likelihood of it happening begins to reduce significantly.

Knowing and being known is important, I suppose it is another aspect of 'what is community? ' Can you be a part of any community if your face or name is not known and your voice is never heard? If no one listens, if everyone is too busy talking; then communities cease to exist, learning is prevented, and loneliness abounds.
Time to talk and time to listen. Is that why Jesus spent so much time in prayer; so he could really listen to the Father? Is that why he asked so many questions; because it was in listening to the answers he heard to the heart & soul? Was listening the way he brought people into community with him and in doing so knew and was known in a way that healed?

What is Community?

I've been thinking a lot about community recently. This appointment has been the first time I have not been called to work with and in one or two specific communities. I doubted the wisdom of that at the time and have been trying to work out how and if that is actually feasible. I have always had strong family connections; my own parents, my husband and my adult children have always been part of a strong and equal partnership of individuals who share fears, adventures, excitement and frustration. The Order to which I belong connects me with people who share my passion and calling; who understand the tensions, who pray with me and for me as I do with and for them. My network of intimate friends however is noticeably sparse; I seem unable, and few other do, to keep the links close over the five yearly pattern of moves. They either move around as much as I do, or the desire to maintain strong links does not have sufficient priorityfor us. Some would say it is the pressure of not enough time. Others might say that trying to connect with new communities every five years is, in itself, a disincentive to maintain older links.

Part of me hungers for a close community of friends that can be maintained face to face, whose lives are deeply shared week by week, a place were I can know and be known. A loose network of acquaintances and colleagues is not enough. This is not just looking through 'rose tinted glasses' at grass supposedly greener on the other side. I am aware, through the close family community, that such living is costly in terms of tension, self awareness and pain as well as being made up of infinite opportunities for laughter, growth, pride and joy. Part of me wonders whether what I am experiencing is common for many today and asks can such communities can be maintained in the face of 21st century mobility and work patterns. With my gradual forays into the world of the blog I discover that others ask similar questions about online communities and friendships. Is it too simplistic to ask would Jesus be a blogger? How would the disciple community of learning and growing happen today and why isn't it happening very often in the Church?

Blogging and Journals

Spent this evening putting together some material for the circuit website about the various projects I'm engaged in with others. Just like this blog, the difficulties about what to include and what to exclude are proving complicated.

I have written a journal for many years; sometimes sporadically sometime frequently, but they amount to nearly four A4 spiral bound volumes. Into them I pour heart and soul, my unedited raw mind and emotion without worrying about whether anyone will see them. I find a journal a really useful way to reflect theologically on my life and work. It helps me capture the moments faithfully and honestly and encourages me to engage with God in the nitty gritty of my life.

This blog and the website are quite different and getting the balance between what I am thinking and feeling and what I can say is much more tricky. It is more like a cross between a sermon and a conversation with strangers; both require more diplomacy and a great deal more thought. This has the added frustration of not being able to gauge the response, if any, and explain any misunderstandings. I have no way of knowing if I what I may say is helpful or hurtful(not that I've written anything of interest yet!). It certainly feels more stilted and constrained than my usual more effervescent utterances!


I feel that it may never be a medium which works for me as I'm not this much of a public person. But as I do need to blog a journal for my course this autumn and I prefer to experiment a little before others start recording my efforts for academic purposes. Perhaps I will get more natural as I go along, I do prefer to start anything new cautiously until I find my feet. I've got out of the boat now I have to discover if I can walk on water! (Picture copywrite Rebekah-Joy Spinks 2002)

Quiet Space

I'm trying to come up with a few select themes to use every few weeks to turn a little used chapel into a Quiet Space for people who use the other facilities of the building.
I was thinking about identity and the question 'Who am I?' exploring ideas of 'how do I see myself, how do others see me and how does God see me?' It reminds me of the question Jesus asked his disciple 'Who do people say that I am?' and later 'But who do you say that I am?' (Mark 8v27-29) . That in turn reminded of this poem by Jane Doggett called 'Melt Like Snow '

Each image of me
merges and comes apart
melting and moving
melding and splitting
meandering across my life
into the multitude of memories
and moments of my days

The mould is a multi-image
fractured and fragmentary
collage of tiny
cells and shapes
that break the norm,
the traditional view
of a person's profile
I am six characters
in a play
looking for an author
pirandello
to invent
and imagine
and innovate again and again

one day
they will all
come together
and then i know
that just like snow
they'll melt and go
forever
(Used with Permission)

I'm thinking of using a combination of mirrors, masks and images as well as written pieces like this, any ideas out there?

Fishing!

Just found a good lake for fishing. It always takes a while each move to find the right kind of fishing venue for me. It has got to be more than just a hole in the ground with water in. It has to be quiet: not right alongside a busy dual carriage way, it has to be small enough to walk around in under 20 minutes: I like to be able to choose where to fish and not have to hike for miles to get to the right place, it has to have trees: something you can snarl your hook and tackle in when you are casting, and features like reeds and islands and shaped inlets and things so you can choose how you fish and where: according to the time of day, the weather and the depth of the water, there is skill in having some idea where the fish are likely to be given the prevailing conditions. Of course once you have found a suitable lake then you have to get to know it!


Canons Ashby, I had a look at it last week and liked the look of it. Then went yesterday for 4 hours it was a glorious day and the fish were enjoying the warm weather, a lot of carp cruising near the surface looking beautiful, dragon flies galore and other wildlife(4 hours of peace and quiet in such a setting, wonderful!). There was a fair amount of mud making me wish I'd brought me wellies but not impassable and not surprising after all that rain and to top it all I ended up landing a 17lb mirror carp and a 10lb common carp; not bad for a first visit. I am looking forward to going again.

The 'Walk in the Park' event went very well, alongside activities already mentioned face painting and an invitation to play a giant 'Jenga' style game went down very well. Good opportunity for positive, friendly and participative visibility in the community.

In other areas it looks like there will be some good opportunities to work together with other churches here in the future and some new moves into different styles of worship and work together.

Course
New reading list have come through for the next phase in my course and I am already feeling strongly at assumptions that jar with my own current thinking (or assumptions!). I look forward to struggling to untangle and work through issues in ministry and mission; I was looking for contrary ideas and opinions to the direction my dissertation was looking like going looks like I might find some!

Summer
The summer is going to give me more of a chance to work on some creative projects in preparation for September (including some experimentation in blogging) but I am also hoping for some time for more in depth reflection. I have been in this appointment for nearly a year, mostly information gathering and networking, a number of new ventures look like they might be beginning to form; care is needed not to initiate stuff that won't be able to stand without me and to build in and encourage corporate sense of shared and developing ownership and responsibility. It is so easy just by the way you do things to shut out creativity and initiative in others. The how is even more important than the what.

Today is my first attempt at blogging. I have been putting it off for a while now; I much prefer to use the spoken word rather than the written to communicate, although I love to read almost anything and everything. I suppose it is the fact you can modify the spoken word as you go along assessing the response from your audience, be it one person or a group and adjusting accordingly. When you write your words are committed to a fixed form to stand or fall according to the reader. Then again it could be that my lack of a good basic education means that I am very aware that there will be a host of nit picking errors for everyone to spot. This form of writing is even worse because it is openly on view to everyone not just a select few.

I am just about to leave to help set up a stall for some churches at Wootton's 'Walk in the Park' event. A stall for information giving away homemade cakes and biscuits and balloons and hopefully a prayer tent as well. One of the group is setting up a board on which to put postcards of 'Questions you would like to ask God' should get some interesting responses. We are just hoping the weather stays fine and dry today many outdoor events have been rained of or seriously curtailed by the weather already this year.